This is the time of year, with Thanksgiving and Christmas looming, that women typically pick up the slack of the emotional to-do list. It's a thankless job, but it needs to be done. Perhaps we brought this on ourselves, making sure things are so organized and tidy. Maybe we feel like it gives us some control.
Or maybe we want to make sure our kids have bras and underwear and socks.
My son has school pictures coming up. He brought home an order form last week. If we order online, we get a free digital image. Um, I'm ALL about that. My daughter needs $17 to pay for bowling in gym class. My husband needs new tennis shoes. The dog apparently needs a new dog bed. The budget for next month should probably get penciled in. We need a new financial adviser and I have no idea where to start for that. There's no meal plan or grocery list started for next week, that's on my to-do list. I bought my sister a house-warming present that's sitting in our garage. I should really deliver it. Do I have a planner for 2018? Did I update our online planner so my husband can see it too? (Yes, I did.) It snowed yesterday. We need a new shovel for the deck. I need to mail a drawing prize to someone on my team. We carved pumpkins, check. Halloween decorations? Costumes? Candy? Pot luck at our house for friends that night? Good Lord, I need to start another list . . .
Sorry if that last paragraph gave you anxiety. But it's a prime example of the things I think about that my husband doesn't. Or if he does, he easily let's it go. Again, not because he's a jerk, his brain just doesn't work that way. Maybe because he trusts me to get it done. If, in a rare moment, I do complain and whine, it gets better for a few days but then slowly goes back to "normal".
There's this great comic (click here) that goes over this very point. The wife, juggling all things domestic, ends up getting overwhelmed, leading to the husband stating, "You should've asked for help." Them is fighting words! As women, we don't think we should HAVE to ask for help. You walked over that dirty sock for two weeks. I know you see it. Pick it up and put it in the laundry basket so I can start yet another load.
It probably sounds like I'm bitter. I'm really, truly not. (Well, maybe a smidge . . .) I'm grateful for a spouse that "gets me" and that our kids enjoy being around him. I'm grateful I HAVE a house to clean. What I'm not grateful for is being treated like a maid or in my words, "I'm not your beyotch." It seems like the more I clean (gratefully), the messier the house gets (ungratefully). If my kids are going to emulate one parent, why not the one who doesn't have to sweep and dust? That's just easier.
To all the moms and wives out there who feel taken for granted, I feel you. I wish you the best of luck on Christmas shopping, Thanksgiving hosting, birthday present finding, winter clothes purchasing, finding the ever invisible gloves and hats, and cooking nutritious meals so your kids don't starve or get scurvy.
I see you there, being awesome, and I give you a virtual high five.